Just as in anything in life whether it be pursuing a particular practice/art or our relationships with others, we are constantly coming up against 'walls' which we must find a way around or learn to work with. In my own experiences and in conversations with others I have come up against many. Of recent discussion was tying with someone who is easily aroused or tend to 'fall into subspace' very quickly. This can make it harder to achieve the exact tension with the ropes if one is not yet fully adept in handling the ropes and their partner simultaneously. I opened this forum to create a place where we can discuss such challenges, give advice and hopefully come up with techniques or ideas to overcome these.
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2020年8月26日
Challenges you come up against in kinbaku (shibari)?
Challenges you come up against in kinbaku (shibari)?
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This is so me! My wife will not accompany me for lessons as she becomes significantly aroused with the mere application of rope and doesn't want to display that to strangers. I use a rope model for lessons. However when I get home and we tie she get so aroused and hypnotic that my ties get sloppy and I end up abandoning so much of the plan to just ... well. Its a happy problem but I get a bit discouraged in my abilities. I began studying 9 months ago but have been out of in person lessons for 6 due to COVID. I think just practice and getting beyond this COVID issue so I can get back to lessons with a model will help immensely. Any suggestions to keep her attention a bit more focused are appreciated if anyone has had experiences like this.
Hi Mark, I think we discussed this briefly via email. Hopefully we can get some opinions and ideas from others here in the forum as well. From my side, First of all, having the flexibility to abandon what you had planned and go with the flow is a great attitude and skill to possess. I also have sessions where nothing seems to go as planned. Sometimes you can easily adapt the tie slightly and things start to move in direction you hoped for. And, other times, you adapt and adapt, somehow end up ‘painting yourself into a corner’ so to speak. When this happens, I often completely untie, ensuring that the untying is also part of the ‘play.’ (sometime the untying even becomes the most enjoyable part of the session). And then start again with either the same tie, or something completely different. Having to untie, doesn’t mean ‘failure’ nor that the session needs to end.
Of course, this also requires having a larger ‘toolbox’ (or ‘go to’ ties) as well as knowledge/skills on how to apply the rope on the body (regardless of the tie) so that it doesn’t slip. For example, if tying the calves, always ensure that that top rope sits above and calf muscle and sits into the skin, so as to prevent it from slipping down. Being able to look at the body and muscle contours and adjust the ties to work with the body is the key. This does just take practice though.
As we discussed briefly via email, adding an element of predicament play can also be exciting and help with